Hi, my name is Jack and I love to run around in tight green clothes pretending to shoot at people I don’t like - by pretending I mean using my fingers in the shape of a pistol, and to make it realistic, I make gun sounds with my mouth. My mum tells me that it’s good for my imagination, though, my dad also tells me that I have a higher chance of becoming a serial killer, or rapist, whichever I prefer - probably the latter.
When I was eight, I would normally sit at the back of class. This is a tactic of mine to appear popular, which I learned from the movie ‘Breakfast Club’. I noticed that the Nerd sat nearer to the front, so all I had to do was the opposite. It seemed simple at first, but after being moved to the front of the class by the teacher several times, and being told by him that I wasn’t cool enough to be seated at the back, I decided to ditch the plan.
Since you’re now probably thinking, ‘wow, he must be a loser’, think again. Every Wednesday, I get together with 80 mates where we reenact Scene 427 from the old Star Trek films. This involves me playing Captain Kirk, where I order my crew members to fire on the planet Nebula, played by my mates - next week, we’re planning to do Scene 657.
On top of my qualities which include passing Halo 3 on Legendary, running 23.5m without stopping and being able to recite every scene from Star Trek by memory, I am also an expert on the getting the ladies. My current girlfriend is beautiful, others tell me different, but blind love is what made that guy date Kelly Osbourne, and that is exactly what this is.
Here’s a picture of me and her!
Her names Hash-brown, isn’t she beautiful?
This was taken on our 8th date, where we were just meeting up again from missing each other for 6 days. I don’t normally cry, but this time I just couldn’t help it, turns out, either could she.
If you would like to be my friend, send an email to Jim.Liggons@hotmail.com (My father’s email which I use) and I will check all applications. If I think you’re cool enough to hang out with me and my list of 400 friends, I will reply to your email with the following attachment.
